What To Do When Someone You Love Has An Addiction

How You Can Help Your Loved One Through Their Addiction — And A Few Helpful Reminders of What NOT To Do

I don’t know your world anymore.

I’m looking into your eyes… and I can’t see you.

I feel the pain you’re in but I don’t know how to help you.

I hold my breath all day, waiting for a phone call to tell me that you’re gone.

I wish you could just stop. I wish things could go back to the way they were. I miss you.

If you’re like me, you’ve had at least one of these thoughts about someone you love who is struggling with addiction.

And if you’re like me, you hope that no one ever has to know the pain of what it’s like to experience one of these thoughts.

Addiction is a villain. It seizes its captive by the mind, the body, and the spirit.

Addiction can be incredibly isolating as it is, but studies indicate that the rates of drug overdose skyrocketed in 2020 during the Covid-19 pandemic [1].

With the right help, it is possible for someone to experience recovery from their addiction.

It is also possible for you to be there for someone who is struggling with addiction while trying to maintain a semblance of your own sanity in the process. But before we get into how to help someone with an addiction, it’s important to understand…

What Not To Do:

Don’t Lecture

If someone is struggling with an addiction, lecturing at them and telling them they need to stop can ultimately cause them to shut down. Being lectured to and criticized can bring up feelings of judgment or moral failure within someone who is struggling with addiction. Framing things in a way that puts down the person struggling with addiction can end up causing more harm than good, even if you have good intentions.

Don’t Enable

Your loved one needs to experience the consequences of their drug use. Have they lost friends? Are they losing their money? Have they gotten into legal trouble? Have they been able to hold a job? Do they have somewhere to live? These are just a few very real consequences of ongoing substance use. It’s important for someone struggling with addiction to feel the direct consequences of their substance use on their own life. Resist the urge to make excuses for them or to take over their responsibilities. And remember, it doesn’t help for you to tell them what the consequences could be. In the long run, it won’t help them if you protect them from those consequences. They need to go through it themselves.

Don’t Judge

Addiction is not a moral failure. In today’s society, there still appears to be a significant stigma against those who struggle with addiction [2]. Many people who struggle with addiction place heavy judgment on themselves, whether they’re consciously aware of it or not. It’s important to let your loved ones know that you aren’t judging them and that you love them for who they are. Let them know that they aren’t just an “addict,” but rather, a person who is struggling with an addiction. There’s a meaningful difference.

Before we hop into what you can do to help someone with an addiction, I want to remind you to…

Brace Yourself:

Your loved one may tell you that they don’t have a drug problem. They might tell you that they don’t want to stop using. You may find yourself trying to help someone with an addiction who doesn’t want help. Your loved one may try to argue with you, they may lie to you, and they may even tell you that their use is your fault. Instead of firing back, try to stay calm in these moments and listen to what your loved one is saying.

What can you do to help?

Educate Yourself on the Effects of Substance Use

Substance abuse is truly unlike anything else. Unfortunately, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all model for what causes it, or for what heals it. Many potential contributing factors can cause a person to become addicted to a substance.

There are neuroadaptive changes that take place once a person uses substances on an ongoing basis [3]. Depending on the substance, there is a point at which the body becomes dependant on the substance to function normally [4]. There are certain substances where, if a person were to stop using them abruptly, they could experience seizures and even death [5].

If you know what substance your loved one is using, learn about it. It’ll help to create a clearer picture for you, and will give you a better understanding of what your loved one is experiencing.

Encourage Treatment

There are many different treatment options available to help someone with an addiction, including outpatient treatment, intensive outpatient treatment, inpatient treatment, and medication-assisted treatment.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, many different types of therapy may be utilized to help someone with an addiction, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, motivational interviewing, twelve-step facilitation therapy, and rational emotive behavioral therapy, just to name a few [6].

The most effective type of treatment for an individual will be based on a variety of factors including their own unique needs as well as the primary substance that they’re using.

Get Help For Yourself

Loving someone who is addicted to a substance can be draining and scary, there’s no doubt about it. It can also be very isolating. It’s very difficult for people to understand unless they’ve gone through it, or have extensive knowledge on it.

As much as you may want to lean on friends and family members to support you through this time, seeking therapy or counseling of your own may prove to be beyond helpful.

You deserve to live a full life and that is difficult to do when you are pouring so much of yourself into your loved one. It’s so important to take care of yourself before you can truly help someone else. Finding a therapist for yourself who specializes in addiction can prove to be invaluable on your journey.

Offer Ongoing Support Through Recovery

Recovery is not linear, and there really isn’t a clear-cut finish line on the race towards recovery, either. It is certainly a twisty, curvy marathon rather than a straight-shot sprint. Your loved one will be unpacking a lot emotionally through recovery. They may struggle even identifying what their emotions are after having numbed them out for so long. It may take time before they’re actually able to refrain from substance use. They may even relapse, and it may happen more than once [7]. It’s important to support them through all of this and to continue to provide them with understanding and encouragement. If your loved one does relapse, they must go back to or continue along with treatment so that their course of treatment can be modified.

Remember, don’t lose hope. Recovery isn’t easy, but it is possible. Call the SAMHSA National Helpline, available 24/7 at 1–800–662-HELP (4357) for treatment referral and information services for you or someone you love who is facing a substance use disorder.

Sources

1. https://www.addictioncenter.com/news/2021/01/2020-deadliest-year-drug-history/
2. https://pttcnetwork.org/sites/default/files/2020-04/McGinty%20and%20Barry%2C%20Stigma%20reduction%20to%20combat%20the%20addiction%20crisis%2C%20developing%20an%20evidence%20base%2C%20NEJM%2C%204.2.20.pdf
3. https://www.drugabuse.gov/videos/why-are-drugs-so-hard-to-quit
4. https://bpspubs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1038/bjp.2008.100
5. https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh22-1/61-66.pdf
6. https://www.drugabuse.gov/download/675/principles-drug-addiction-treatment-research-based-guide-third-edition.pdf?v=74dad603627bab89b93193918330c223
7. https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery